From the city to a van to the country.

One thing about hibernating and being on my own for a long time is I have oodles of time to think about things, something I spend a lot of time doing anyway. First, I wonder if I should keep writing this blog when I'm not actually traveling or living in my van. I feel like I'm still on the journey though so I figure I'll touch base when I have something I want to share. After all, I am still in the midst of working through the realities of my life long dream to travel and make art.

I've been thinking about adaptability. This past year of my life has been a lot about adapting to situations and being happy to do so. I have gone from being a 40 hour a week, bachelor apartment dweller in the city, to living and traveling in a van with a dog, to hibernating on the wintry shore of Nova Scotia in a quiet little village. I have stayed with strangers, close friends and family and have felt at ease in all places. Now, in this wonderful little house, I am feeling right at home.

This part of the journey feels like a test run for how I envisioned my future. I have dreamed about living away from the city, but close enough to commute, and working solely on my own art. For the past week that's exactly what I've been doing. My routine has been get up, make coffee, work for a couple hours, take Okie for a walk (if it's not bloody freezing out), work some more, make a big pot of something, work till bed then read. I treat my own work like a regular job. I put in at least an 8 hour day and most often times much more than that. I have chores which are new to me here. There is a lovely wood stove so I have to bring in fire wood and kindling from the basement as well as pile wet wood from the outside into the basement to dry. The wind here can be quite brutal so I've learned quickly when I get a calm day I get outside. It's my first time doing this kind of thing and it makes me feel good to get off my lazy but and do something physical.

House I'm renting

Nanny's watching.

A beautiful walk/break.

When I dreamed about living like this I questioned whether I would be disciplined enough to put in the hours like a regular job. Apparently I have the opposite problem where I don't get away from my computer enough. Okie has taken to sitting at my feet and lightly growling for me to take her for a walk or play. Life is boring here for a little dog who's used to being on the move. (not that she's not spoiled with toys, it looks like a daycare in here).

Having a deadline for my work helps motivate me a lot. I am a perfectionist so knowing I have a timeline forces me to complete things. I've picked a corner of the house to set up a work space where there's lots of light and a big table. I'm the luckiest person alive to be able to do what I've been doing and if I can make the rest of my life resemble the last six months I've achieved my dream.

Studio nook.

What I've learned part three.

I arrived home this past Saturday evening. It feels like I've been gone for a long time and no time at all. It's going to take some time before I can fully understand the impact of what I've experienced but people's questions are helping me to process everything.

The main change I notice in my outlook on life is the way I think about my future. I have anxiety and used to constantly get worked up asking myself, what do I want to do with my life? That was the big question and the most pressing one I had before deciding to go on the road. I now realize, and I mean truly understand, that it's a question with an impossible answer. The question for me now is what do I want to do next? Traveling and having to live day to day, in the moment, taught me to make more short term goals. Right now I can only plan the next four months of my life. In the past I would have found it incredibly stressful to have such a vague plan for my future but now I find it liberating. I have short term deadlines and goals and all I can do is work towards them. If they don't work out things will be re-evaluated then. So far I feel no anxiety about where I will be in four months. My van may rust out and fall apart and my exhibition may bomb making my goal of heading back out on the road in June an impossibility. Any number of things can happen to change my planned trajectory and I have no control over any of it. This new acceptance doesn't make me feel helpless. It gives me power, knowing I can only put my best foot forward and the rest will happen as it will. I do, however, realize this way of living is a luxury because I only have myself to think about and plan for.

A close friend of of mine asked me what I learned about myself. It's so much easier to talk about the bad qualities one has than to recognize the good ones. I am well aware of my faults but the one good quality I realize about myself is that people respond well to me. As someone who is consistently self-conscious about what I'm saying, whether I sound stupid or look socially awkward, I have come to realize what I see in myself is not what I project. Perfect strangers have told me I'm inspiring, brave, strong and non-judgmental. An East Indian man, who owned a motel, thanked me for taking the time to talk to him, stating most white folks don't give him the time of day. I've been thanked for not judging a neighbor at a motel and for being open-minded and accepting of people. My old boss told me she liked that I would talk to anyone and everyone the same way. Obviously I travel to see the different landscapes but I find the people I meet are what makes the journey. Everyone has a story and I think because I'm a good listener it bring people to me. I prefer to listen to other people talk than to talk about myself.

Working towards what I thought was an unattainable or crazy goal and actually making it happen has given me confidence and a more peaceful mind. I have seen what I can accomplish and with my new less anxious and more patient outlook on life I feel like I'm on the right track. Next, I move into the house in the country, set up a studio space there and get down to business making the new pieces for my exhibition in March. I'm beyond excited.

Coincidences?

I have talked before about coincidences and the universe, or whatever it is, providing me with what I need, even when I don't realize what I'm asking for. Remember the cabin at the Grand Canyon I was given just when I was starting to feel a bit lost on the road? Or Okie showing up in my life after I had to give up the dog I adopted to join me for my journey? There are countless examples of this...and here's another one.

My original plan was to stay with my good friends and their family from February until I was ready to head back out on the road. Three days ago I received an email from my ex-boss asking where I was going to stay when I return home. Her house was available to rent if I needed it. I thanked her for the offer but told her I had already made arrangements. The next day Adriana, the owner of Argyle Fine Art, emailed and informed me three of my pieces at the gallery sold. Great news, I thought, knowing I could use that money during my stay. Not to mention it's always very flattering when someone likes something I've made enough to purchase it and hang it on their wall.

So, yesterday I was feeling a bit restless and decided to take Okie and I on a hike. There are tons of  bird trails here so I didn't have to go far. During our walk I reflected on what I was told about meditating recently. I have never invested much time in meditation even though I know someone like me could sure benefit from it. This person put it to me a different way which I could relate to more. Instead of sitting in silence and trying to let your mind go, she takes time during whatever she's doing, say, during a conversation, and reminds herself she is in the moment; ie, my foot is moving, the air smells flowery, I'm holding a cup of coffee, and so on. For her, it brings her into the exact moment she is living in and helps her feel more connected to the now. As I walked, I tried her technique and it works well for me. Knowing I'm leaving so soon has made me wish I had this practice earlier. I believe it helped me realize my new plan.

As I walked all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Why hadn't I thought of this already? The money from my recent sales at the gallery could pay for renting the house. This would give me a studio space to work, so to speak, and all the quiet I could handle in order to create the type of work I want. After my exhibition opening in March I will move into my friends place for two months with a clear head and no distractions. I can simply enjoy their company and hopefully pick up some paid work. Adding to this amazing conclusion is the fact my boss' tenants were originally going to stay until March but recently decided to leave the end of January, just in time for me to arrive.

I can't begin to tell you how amazing it all is that this has come together. It's another example of how envisioning what you want and working towards it helps make it happen. I didn't know I needed a place all to myself for a couple months while putting the show together but now that it has been offered it's EXACTLY what I need. Thanks again Universe. I won't let you down.

Preparing to go....again.

As I prepare to make the trek back to Nova Scotia I have a flood of memories from the past four months. It's been an amazing journey and it's hard to accept this part is coming to and end, but with an end there is also a new beginning.

I had originally planned to head straight home without wandering or exploring, due to dwindling funds, but I am now reconsidering. I was reminded by my step-mother that if I choose to do that my journey actually ended a month ago when I arrived in Florida.  I have had some wonderful adventures here as well, ie hanging with Larry in the Everglades, but I have mostly been working day in and day out on creating new work. My representing gallery, Argyle Fine Art, has a group exhibition every January called Pre-Shrunk. Every submitted piece measures 4x5 inches and it attracts all kinds of artists form all sorts of disciplines. I spent the better part of December creating new work to submit to the show and finally got them sent off in the mail. The new pieces for my donators are also on their way to their new homes. Thanks once again to all of you!

Adding a patina to the aluminum with Muriatic acid.

Finished pieces.

I am heading home a month earlier than I had intended so I can work on a new exhibition, opening March 22nd at Argyle, featuring images from this journey. I am excited to have the opportunity to show new stuff and have been working very diligently to make it happen while trying to ignore the fact that it's hot and sunny outside. As I keep telling myself though, there are worse things than having to stay inside to work on my art. This is all such a dream come true and I can't wait to get back in the studio, when I find one that is. The last time I put together a show I used the barter system to gain access to a studio. I traded a bike I wasn't using for the use of my friends studio space. (Maybe that's where the barter van idea originally came from) I love it when two people get something they want without having to dig into their pockets.

The time has flown but I have no regrets and am so grateful for everything I've experienced, both good and bad. I was once told a long time ago that life will flow much easier when you're not fighting against the tide. When you follow the path you truly want and not what you think you should do. Now, I'm not saying these past five months have entirely been a walk in the park but it sure seems like everything is working out fairly close to the way I imagined. I would dare to say even better than I could have hoped.

So, the van is washed and my father reattached the front bumper, which I just noticed had rusted off on the drivers side. My art supplies have been put back in the van, I've pulled out my gloves and winter hat and I have all the emergency road condition numbers written down. I have enjoyed so much spending time here this last month and while I am sad to be leaving my folks, and all their spoiling of me, I'm looking forward to seeing all the people at home who have stayed with me and supported my crazy endeavors. As much as I am a loner, I could never have done any of this without the strong support system I have.

Now I just have to mentally prepare myself for the cold weather. I can't wait to see what Okie thinks of snow!

Louisiana and beyond

I had a great time in Louisiana but I have to say I've never driven on such terrible roads. I'm always looking for a place that screams home and even though I enjoyed myself in New Orleans it isn't on my list of places I would stay. The whole state is messy with garbage and I didn't feel 100% safe walking around. I don't understand why people need to throw their litter all over the place. It's one thing that has bothered me throughout this whole trip. Even in national parks, I can be standing in the most spectacular landscape and at my feet is a discarded bottle or can. If I had one constant gripe while traveling it would be that.

Driving out of New Orleans you can still see the remnants of both hurricane Katrina and hurricane Isaac. Off to the side of I-10 I saw a whole business area which looked abandoned so I decided to investigate. There was a theater, some office buildings and department stores all smashed and boarded up. This is what I saw.

After leaving there I came across an abandoned hospital. The doors were wide open and the place was completely empty. I had a conversation with someone about the ethics of being an urban explorer. It's an unwritten rule that you enter and leave a place without disturbing anything. I hate to see people destroying a place but on the other hand I do love the graffiti. In the case of this place it made it all the more photogenic.

Now I'm in Florida and about to take a break from the first lag of my trip to work on some pieces to send home to Argyle Fine Art. I am looking forward to staying put for a while and working on the hundreds of photographs I've taken in the last three months. It has all become a bit of a blur but I know memories will come flooding back as I go through and edit what I've recorded. I continue to thank my lucky stars for the life I am leading and don't take a single day for granted.

Long highways make for deep thought

It's not always possible to avoid driving the interstates, unless you are driving something that can do back roads and dirt roads. If you've been following my trip you already know I can't go off-roading in my van or I have to dig myself out. Lately between destinations I have been driving long, straight highways that vanish far off on the horizon. Seventeen miles looks a lot further when you can actually see your destination on the flat landscape.

I love driving so I have that to my advantage, but even I get a little stir crazy when there's not much to see and the road goes on forever. One can only play drums on the steering wheel or have one-sided conversations with your dog for so many hours. So, I have a lot of time to think. Recently I have been contacted by a couple of magazines who want to do stories about my travels and the Barter Van. The questions they ask have given me lots to think about and reflect on. A common question is what has been my favorite experience so far. There's not one experience in particular that I like more than others. It comes down to the people I've met and how those interactions have helped shape my journey. I have always been a bit of a loner but without the social interaction and kindness of strangers it would be a completely different trip. I actually met someone once who told me they don't care about what other people do or think. I was kind of floored by that! I can't get enough of other peoples stories and have been accused of talking too much to cashiers and waitresses. I have been lucky to meet, and still be in touch with, so many wonderful individuals.

Time goes by so quickly. I can't believe I've been on the road for nine weeks already. It's a bit of a blur. In all my conversations everyone agrees that time goes by too quickly. When people ask why I finally made the decision I tell them it's about time. There's no telling I will make it to be elderly and there's no time like the present. I think I've always had this preoccupation with the passing of time and growing old. It's what propels me to do things now as opposed to waiting. I've had a number of emails and conversations with older people who commend me for doing what I'm doing and wishing they had. As much as I wish they had of too, selfishly it just reaffirms what I'm doing.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the bartering idea. The van starts conversations with people about bartering and it helps. I considered taking the magnets off until I've made some new pieces to trade and have a new way of approaching it but I like that it makes people ask questions. I still have a lot of questions myself about it but I haven't given up. As I watch my bank account dwindle I know I'm going to have to make it work. I'm just stubborn enough to make it happen.

So, I leave now to drive what's been described as one of the longest, straightest and most dull stretches of highway yet. I wish I could have an inner tape recorder to record my thoughts for further posts. I do my best thinking while staring at the lines on the road....

Realizing my dream

As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to be an artist. Well, that and an archaeologist. So it makes sense that I began my gallery career exhibiting photographs of abandoned buildings, a kind of urban archaeology if you will. When I was in elementary there was an abandoned shack in the woods behind the school and I would spend hours there looking through what was left behind. I loved leafing through the old newspapers and digging amongst the discarded personal belongings. Even then I had a love of history and a joy of exploring.

When I graduated from high school I applied to art school immediately. Not once had I entertained the idea of pursuing another path and halfway through my degree I had second thoughts about my ability to make a living from art. I'm sure you're thinking, uh yeah, you should know there's no money in the arts. Well, I was naive enough to think that if it's my dream I can make it happen; a notion I will come back to in a bit.

So, I left school and ran away to Victoria BC.  I was two years into school and decided I needed a break to think. I left Victoria to follow a guy to Toronto, had a failed attempt at love and moved back to finish my BFA. Over the next 10 years I moved and traveled a lot. I lived in Calgary, England, Holland and had too many apartments and broken hearts to count. The travel bug had a hold of me and I wanted nothing more than to be free to see the world. Eventually, my age-obsessed inner voice spoke up, telling me I need to settle down and be a responsible citizen. Maybe I would build the career of my dreams, meet the guy, buy a house and have dogs (I've never wanted children) if I just stayed put for a while. Although I have managed to gain a small group of collectors while working on my art, none of these things happened.

I have been back in Halifax for almost nine years and seven of them I've been driving myself, and my friends, crazy trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I applied to school, got accepted and then dropped out before it started. I looked into being a professional organizer, archivist, commercial photographer, cruise ship worker, travel agent, and the list goes on. I ignored my little girl voice who was egging me on to travel and be an artist. I'd tell myself it was a ridiculous notion to think I could just up and leave. How would I support myself? I have bills to pay. Would I be lonely? What would people say? Where would I go?

Well, it just so happens that I never did figure out what I want to be and that inner voice has never gone away. What I want to be is an artist. What I want to do is travel. I have read many times that what you are meant to do is the thing you've always wanted to do, no matter how silly it sounds. Last year, when I was once again heartbroken, (yeah, it happens a lot) and creatively stunted I decided to take myself on a road trip. It was exactly what I needed and it fired up my love of travel once again. It was also an amazing inspiration, resulting in my most successful exhibition to date.When I returned home I decided to make my dream come true; to travel full time and be free to get inspired and educated by what I see. Now, dreams don't just come true (usually). You have to take an active role in making them come to fruition. Luckily I am very stubborn and goal oriented. Once I put my mind to it there's no stopping me.

I am now a month away from hitting the road in my new home on wheels and I am excited, overwhelmed, anxious and thoroughly impressed with what I've accomplished. I consider this my final attempt at becoming the self-sustaining artist I've always dreamed of being. Even as I type that it sounds ridiculous, but if I fail I can at least rest easy as an old lady knowing I gave it a go and didn't let fear stop me from trying.

A