My Angel.

I have written about the kindness of people over and over since I started this adventure. Every time I'm on the receiving end of a random act of kindness from a stranger it confirms my suspicions that the world is made up of amazing individuals; it's not the scary world we see on TV.

If you've been with me since the beginning you may remember the mystery man who appeared at my last yard sale and handed me an envelope with a donation for my trip. To refresh, a gentleman approached me, I introduced myself and he replied by saying who he was was not important. We talked about travel and he briefly shared some of his own experiences. He handed me an envelope, told me to put it in a safe place and wished me well on my travels. He was not someone I knew and was very clear on remaining anonymous. Rarely do you see someone make such a gesture and absolutely refuse any kind of praise or recognition. My father says there's a name for someone who secretly gives (it appears in his crosswords a lot); angel.

Yesterday the mystery man struck again, this time in the form of a mystery woman. She walked into Argyle Fine Art and handed over an envelope with my name on it while keeping her lips sealed. When asked if the envelop should be passed on to me she replied simply, yes. When asked if she's like to say who it is from she said nothing, quietly slipping out the door. Inside was a donation and another vintage postcard with a similar message as the first; "for your next trip, vaya con dios".

(I hope by publishing images of the postcards I'm not risking the anonymity of my donators.)

I'm still in a state of shock.  Yes, the donation will be put to good use but it really is the gesture that brings me to tears. There must be something about what I originally considered a selfish venture that has struck a cord with these two individuals. I know from emails I have received that what people are relating to is the idea of freedom. People's letters talk about how they traveled when they were younger or they always wanted to travel but 'life got in the way'. The barter van blog is a way for them to live vicariously through me. I had no idea starting out how many people have similar dreams of the open road and how few actually get the opportunity to do it. I thank my lucky stars every day and never forget those who support me and cheer me on as I get ready for the next adventure.

Whoever and wherever you are I hope you are reading this. Thank you isn't near a strong enough sentiment for what you have done.

You are my angels.

Do you have an angel in your life or have you been one to someone else?

From the city to a van to the country.

One thing about hibernating and being on my own for a long time is I have oodles of time to think about things, something I spend a lot of time doing anyway. First, I wonder if I should keep writing this blog when I'm not actually traveling or living in my van. I feel like I'm still on the journey though so I figure I'll touch base when I have something I want to share. After all, I am still in the midst of working through the realities of my life long dream to travel and make art.

I've been thinking about adaptability. This past year of my life has been a lot about adapting to situations and being happy to do so. I have gone from being a 40 hour a week, bachelor apartment dweller in the city, to living and traveling in a van with a dog, to hibernating on the wintry shore of Nova Scotia in a quiet little village. I have stayed with strangers, close friends and family and have felt at ease in all places. Now, in this wonderful little house, I am feeling right at home.

This part of the journey feels like a test run for how I envisioned my future. I have dreamed about living away from the city, but close enough to commute, and working solely on my own art. For the past week that's exactly what I've been doing. My routine has been get up, make coffee, work for a couple hours, take Okie for a walk (if it's not bloody freezing out), work some more, make a big pot of something, work till bed then read. I treat my own work like a regular job. I put in at least an 8 hour day and most often times much more than that. I have chores which are new to me here. There is a lovely wood stove so I have to bring in fire wood and kindling from the basement as well as pile wet wood from the outside into the basement to dry. The wind here can be quite brutal so I've learned quickly when I get a calm day I get outside. It's my first time doing this kind of thing and it makes me feel good to get off my lazy but and do something physical.

House I'm renting

Nanny's watching.

A beautiful walk/break.

When I dreamed about living like this I questioned whether I would be disciplined enough to put in the hours like a regular job. Apparently I have the opposite problem where I don't get away from my computer enough. Okie has taken to sitting at my feet and lightly growling for me to take her for a walk or play. Life is boring here for a little dog who's used to being on the move. (not that she's not spoiled with toys, it looks like a daycare in here).

Having a deadline for my work helps motivate me a lot. I am a perfectionist so knowing I have a timeline forces me to complete things. I've picked a corner of the house to set up a work space where there's lots of light and a big table. I'm the luckiest person alive to be able to do what I've been doing and if I can make the rest of my life resemble the last six months I've achieved my dream.

Studio nook.

Dogs. Mine and other strays.

I stopped at this gas station in New Mexico yesterday to photograph it.

I pulled in and two dirty little dogs came running out, tails wagging, to greet me. My first thought was I should bail because someone is living in there. I talked to the dogs for a minute and waited for someone to come out. The two of them went running into one of the buildings so I followed, cautiously. Inside on a table was a bag of dog food and some jugs of water but the dogs had disappeared. I thought, 'ok, good, someone does live here with them'.

I turned to leave but something still wasn't sitting right with me. That's when I saw a note on the table. This is what it said;

I tried my darnedest to nab these two as well, seeing that someone on the note would look after them if they could just get to the vet in a nearby town. They weren't having any of it. They were gone out of my site as soon as I tried to approach. Coaxing them with food did nothing. I added my note to theirs saying I tried and wish I could do more.

Since finding Okie, I have met quite a few people who also rescued dogs. I stopped to take a photo of an old restaurant in Texola, Texas and two beautiful dogs came running over followed by a woman. She told me just a few nights ago someone left them there at 2am and sped off. She can't keep them either but will do her best to find a home for them. Peggy, the lady I met here at the RV park also has a dog she rescued when someone dropped him off as a pup at a parking lot. So I ask, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!? I still believe 90% of us are good but when it comes to animals we are not a people I am proud of.  I wonder if I could make a job out of traveling around and rescuing stranded dogs? It seems like I would have no problem finding them. I am happy to have made a difference in one little life but I wish I could do more.

I'll leave with a photo of Okie so I can end this post on a good note. She is a little gift to me and I love waking up with her snuggles. As I type this she is curled up with her head resting on my left arm. What a doll!

This is how we roll.

This day made tears...in the best ways.

You ready for this?!

Yesterday morning I got ready to leave the motel and Bob, the man who checked me in, was cleaning the room next to mine. I gave him my key and thanked him for his hospitality. He asked me about my tattoos and my history/travel plans. We chatted for a while and he questions me about my cooking abilities and what I eat on the road. I told him I love to cook, have a stove, but haven't been eating as healthy as I would like. Unbeknown to me the plants surrounding the motel lot is his vegetable garden where he grows peppers, eggplant, beans of all types, garlic, ginger etc. He and his mother are vegetarians and eat mostly from what they grow. Bob lets me pick some eggplant and peppers. He is proud of what he has. His mother comes out and gives me more eggplant and picks some hot green peppers to go with them. Their generosity, as it turns out, comes from me taking an interest and simply talking to them. They are east Indian. He tells me sometimes people come in to the office, see him and turn around and leave. He said people 'don't mix' which he doesn't understand. “We all bleed the same don't we? Just because our skin is a different color, we are all still human" he says.  He points to me and then back to himself and his mother. She adds, “We're all the same. Human”. They shake my hand and wish me safe travels. I leave with teary eyed with my gifts wondering why people are they way they are. 

A couple hours down the road I passed a vegetable stand in someones barn. Seeing as I'm out of food and want to get more local produce I turn around. The first thing the woman says to me, before even saying hi, is, “Do you want a free dog?” This little thing comes running at me, tail wagging, but when I reach down to pet her she cowers and puts her paw up almost the way a person would if they were going to be struck. She wants to come to me but is shaking in her fur. I didn't get a good vibe from the bottle-blonde lady at all. She assured me the puppy had all her shots but couldn't produce any papers to prove it. I was not convinced at all. When I tried to pick her up she ran away, following the woman back into her place. So, I decided she wasn't for me. But I couldn't drive away. I got in my van and just sat there, engine idling. I thought to myself, why don't I go back and ask the woman if I can see if the puppy likes my van. She opened her door when I returned and I asked her. The response was, "I don't care what you do. She's probably hiding under the stairs”. So that was it. Game over. I grabbed her and drove away with the little one shaking on my lap. I mean, c'mon, could you have left this thing behind?

We drove for a long time before she stopped shaking. Being that it was Sunday I was pretty sure there wouldn't be a veterinary clinic open but I wanted to get her checked out as soon as possible. I checked for flees but that's all I really knew how to do.The next big town had one of those mega pet stores so I went in to at least get her some food. The behemoth of a store actually had a vet inside so $200+ later she came out in great health with her first shots and her rabies tag.

Some of you know, and some don't, that I adopted a beautiful black lab mix boy a couple months before I left. I don't want to get into the details about why he didn't end up staying with me but let's just say it was a heartbreaking experience. I thought about looking to adopt again but my half-assed attempts to find a new companion turned up nothing. Like I've said previously, I'm not the most spiritual person but to have this tiny, travel size girl show up is a bit of a mind-blower. I have friends who assured me I'd find a dog on my travels but I wasn't even sure if I wanted that to happen. For now I say, thanks again universe. For everything.

What I've learned thus far, part 2...and my first blahs

I've learned that it's hard for me to receive help from people. Ok, I've always known that but with the situation I'm in and the Barter Van idea I have to swallow my pride. I have been looking after myself for so long I've taken on the attitude that I don't need anyone; I can do it all on my own. No man, or woman, is an island and no one gets through life simply relying on themselves. I am learning it's ok to accept help. I am also the type of person who would rather focus on other peoples problems rather than dealing with my own. Recently someone I met made a point of devoting the day to me and anything I want to do. I hadn't realized how hard that was for me to do. Maybe that's why I find it so comfortable to travel alone. That way I can do what I want and not feel guilty about the other person not fulfilling their desires. Then again, I can also be quite selfish. The good thing about being alone for long, and I mean long, periods of time on long stretches of road is I get ample amount of time to reflect on such topics.

Reality isn't so romantic. I dreamed about doing this for so long, especially Route 66, I hadn't realized how dismal parts of it truly are. Most of the time I drive through long stretches of flat farmland until I reach the next town. And when I say town I really mean a few buildings and closed up shops along with the one or two places doing their best to survive off the Routes lasting stigma. Other places don't even try to be part of it with only a couple houses remaining amongst the boarded up shops, motels and gas stations. I am at odds with being happy to find weathered old signs and coming upon the restored places. My creative side always likes finding the neglected but my nostalgia wants to see more restored places. I think my notions of the road trip remain romantic only in my head.

Kansas town restored because of Disney's movie Cars

Sign from motel turned apartment. Like so many along the route.

I remember people asking me why I want to do this and my response was always I want to know what it feels like to be free and see 'what I'm made of'. Reflecting on that, and being a month into my journey I don't think I know exactly what that means. It's true I am free of work and schedules but I still worry every day about my van breaking down and my money diminishing. I have chores and sometimes I think it's harder than when I was pampered with power and hot water at my fingertips. My ultimate goal is still elusive. Is it so I can say I did this? Is it so I don't regret not doing it when I'm old? Is it to return to Nova Scotia with a new body of work to have another exhibition? Is it to be free and see what the world has to offer? I answered yes to all of these questions before I left but the same questions linger...and more. I wonder if I am capable of going all the way across the US and back without succumbing to loneliness or fear of being stranded in the middle of nowhere. Luckily fear and doubt never last long with me and never stops me from doing what I started out to do. I know in the end if I was to quit now it would send me spiraling into a state of regret depression.

I share this now because I want to be completely frank about the ups and downs I experience. So many moments have been amazing and things do seem like they are falling into place but after spending two days driving without really meeting anyone I've become a bit tired and lonely. I decided to check into a motel, get beer and watch tv. I haven't zoned out in front of the tube in a month and it seems like a luxury now. The motel is gross but it was cheap and the woman at the desk was nice. I tried to barter with a few other old motels but there was no takers. I asked to pay a fraction of the cost of a room to just park in the motels lot for the night but was turned down. So many of these old motels have lost their luster and have become seedy places for people to live. I slept poorly thinking about my van and all of its contents. The one saving grace for this stop over, well maybe two, is the mind-numbing television and the guy I met at the car dealership next door. We only spoke for a moment when I went out to get beer and he immediately offered his help with anything I need. I invited him over for a drink but he worked late and had to decline. In the morning he showed up at my door with coffee before he had to return to work. And the kindness of strangers continues.

There are still many things that make me happy. Simple things like having just enough butane left to make coffee or seeing my first stick bug or armadillo. I don't want to leave this post on a bad note but thought it was important to tell the WHOLE story and not just the wonderful parts. Now, as I sit in McDonald's parking lot I am torn between moving on or staying to hang with my new acquaintance. It's always the decision to keep moving or to take an extra day. I am in the town of Will Rogers birthplace and maybe I should take time to visit the museum etc. I guess my next post will tell what I've decided.

Lastly, I want to thank people for taking this journey with me. I know even at the down times I'm not alone. I appreciate the encouragement more than you know and will adjust my attitude back to the free spirited, fun-loving, adventurous person I know I am.

Buckle in...this is a long one.

Sometimes I get to a point where there is so much to talk about I don't know where to begin so I just pick one thing that's on my mind. I'm at a point after this last week I feel I've missed mentioning so many amazing things and haven't given thanks to some of the people I have encountered.

Last week I had the pleasure of staying with Spencer Stewart and his mother in Maryland, PA. He was a wonderful tour guide due to the fact he has a lot of the same interests as I do. We made a trip to Washington, DC, where we toured some of the Smithsonian's museums and walked up to the Lincoln monument. All this in the rain while keeping good spirits and enjoying sights. Washington isn't what I would call a 'homey' city. It felt like no one lived there at all. We ate lunch at a little old diner where the man serving us decided to sit and have his lunch with us. I love that kind of thing. The next day it was off to Baltimore to visit the American Visionary Art Museum, which I would recommend to everyone if you are in the area. The gift shop there is a kitch-lovers dream. We met the owner and he gave me a 5-color screened sideshow poster ad for the store. My new favorite thing, displayed on my fridge.

American Visionary Art Museum, Baltimore

Then it was off to Ohio to stay with Matt, whom I met at Serpent Mound, in Cincinnati. First I visited the American Sign Museum. I made it an hour before they closed  and on my way out I saw a man restoring signs and made a comment to him. He turned out to be the owner of the place and gave me a private tour of all the signs yet to be restored. Before I left we traded a pack of my neon postcards for a museum t-shirt and they told me to stay in touch. They may be interested in selling my work there in the future.

American Sign Museum, Cincinnati

Leaving the museum I got turned around over and over again trying to find my way to Matt's house. I ended up on the highway out of town so I called to thank him for the invite but I would be continuing on. Once again I was back on a highway that actually led me back to his area. Clearly I was meant to stay so I called again and ended up at his place just in time to go out for dinner.

Now, this part of my journey is still being processed in my head. I am not what you would consider a spiritual person and have always based my beliefs in science. Matt is one of the most spiritual and generous people I have ever met and I made an effort to go out of my comfort zone and try to be open to his way of life. After an amazing day walking around Cincinnati he invited me to a friends place where they have a spiritual gathering every second week. There, his friends meditate and practice Oneness, giving blessings to each other through transference of energy by placing their hand on your head. (forgive me if I'm getting this wrong). I am still processing all of this but I will say it was a very warm inviting experience and I am proud of myself for putting aside my cynicism.

Terminal Museum, Cincinnati

I left my new friend and headed west on route 50. In Aurora I came upon a garage where the owner has been collecting old signs for over 30 years. He is very used to people wanting to photograph and was happy to let me loose with my camera. He and his brother shared stories about trying to cross the border and they wished me safe travels as I pulled away.

Garage, Aurora Ohio.

I drove straight across Indiana without even realizing it. That's the thing about driving across the US,  you cross the state borders in such a flash you don't even realize you're in a new one. In Salem, Illinois I stopped to take a photo of an old motel sign and it just so happened Terry, the owner, was showing someone a room. He approached me and was curious about what I am doing. After chatting about life and travel he offered me a room for the night and I gave him a package of postcards and a Barter Van magnet in exchange. I immediately went to the grocery store and bought ingredients for dinner since I could cook in a real kitchen! Not long after that the welcome wagon shows up at my door in the form of Brian. This old motel is now apartments and he thought I was moving in. I'm easily distracted and the night I planned to spend working on my photos turned into an evening drinking beer outside, watching the storm and shooting the shit with him. I'm always floored by the amount of information people share with me about their lives. He complimented me on my lack of judgement on people and I cherish that as someone who works really hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

Motel Lakewood. Salem, Illinois

So, now I sit in my room and the storms continue to brew outside. I don't know who's looking out for me, or if I even believe in such things, but one has to pay attention and give thanks. I have read that when you truly follow your desires things fall into place. Well, I'm here to tell you there seems to be a lot of truth in that.

Trust in strangers

Chris and Paul

Before I left on my journey I was advised by everyone to be careful of people, especially in the big, bad 'ol US.  I do realize there are some out there who do not have the best intentions but if you ever want restore your faith in people travel alone.

As you may already know I had a fainting spell last week. I stopped at All Computer Services in Highland Park, NY to get a virus on my laptop fixed. As they were working on it we chatted and I told Paul, the owner, all about my adventure and where I'm from. When my computer was fixed he refused to charge me, telling me I needed the money for my trip. In return I offered to buy him dinner. I was famished and would enjoy the company. On our way to eat we stopped at a friends place to invite them and stayed for a beer. I asked to use the washroom and just steps later I was down for the count. The rest of the story is through Paul's experience told to me.

When I came to about 15 seconds later I had no idea what happened or where I was. I was screaming my name and where I'm from, over and over. Everyone from inside the house came out to see what was going on. All strangers to me. No one there knows anything about me except for what I told Paul during our small talk. They put me on my side with a sweater under my head while they tried to calm me down and find out what had happened. They find all the pieces of my broken glasses, get me into a car and Paul's friend drives us to the emergency. There I am asked questions he has to answer. I don't have my purse, no identification, no money.  I signed a form with the nurses help, agreeing to let them do whatever they needed to do to make sure I'm okay. Released with a concussion and a broken nose, I am taken to Paul's place. My memory picks up here.

Thanks to Paul my memory was restore by him answering my repeating questions over and over. If it wasn't for him knowing the answers I'm not sure what would have happened. For the next 4 days he waited on me hand and foot at his place and when at the shop Chris kept me company. These two people are amazing and I owe them a lot. The accident was scary but it could have been so much worse had I been with other people. They deserve to have a post dedicated to them, so here it is.

I had posted earlier that I need to learn to slow down but this isn't what I meant. I'm not a spiritual person but if I was to get anything from this I would say the universe told me to take it easy. I would have understood a more gentle message though. Next time you can be more subtle Mr./Mrs Universe.

Face hits pavement.

Unfortunately, my journey has just hit an abrupt stop. My computer had a virus yesterday so I took it to a computer guy. Ended up having a beer with him and his friends at their place. I got up to use the toilet and must have fainted...HARD! I have never had that happen before but I ended up in the hospital, cat scans and everything else were fine. I broke my nose and have a concussion. I am now being taken great care of by Paul (the computer guy) and am going to stay off the road for a few days. I'm not awake for long periods of time but there's nothing to worry about. I am feeling better all the time. I have great adventures to blog about but you'll have to say tuned.......