It's time to get down to business.

I've been at my folks place in Florida for a week now and have begun editing my photos and putting together new works to send home to Argyle Fine Art. I am feeling very fortunate to be at a place in my 'career' where I have a gallery willing to take my art. It really is a dream come true.

When I first arrived I tried to dive head first into making new work. I tend to put unnecessary pressure on myself, especially when people have already paid for pieces I haven't actually made yet.  Well, as you can probably imagine, I had a bit of a panic attack. I can't expect myself to go from being on the move every day for three months to immediately churning out new work. So after taking a couple of days to run some errands, eat oranges from the trees out back and easing into staying put I am now back on track. I am getting some commissions done and there will be new stuff at Argyle for the Pre-Shrunk show in January.

Spending time organizing the hundreds and hundreds of photos I've taken isn't all business though. The past three months have all blended together and sorting through my pictures brings back memories I've already forgotten. I have lots of time for reflection and in a month will be back on the road. Before I left I assumed many things. I pictured myself foraging through the woods for greens to eat, camping by rivers or lakes for weeks on end and making extra money washing dishes or doing odd jobs. I have done none of these things. The romanticizing I did about this journey is just that, romantic and unrealistic. The realities of traveling are completely different, for me at least. Yes, I'm sure I could have done all of these things but it's not who I am. I think part of anyone's success in life is knowing who you really are and not who you want to be. I'm not the kind of person who feels comfortable walking into a place and asking for work. Larry the hitchhiker is. He has taken many little jobs along his way to keep going and is perfectly comfortable doing so. He would approach people for rides or ask for help and was almost always met with kindness. I admire what he's doing but, as I said, it's not me.

I've had to discover who I truly am, accept it and work within it. I am not someone who is going to walk across the continent. I don't want to sleep in a tent in the woods for weeks on end or rely on knowing what's edible in the forest. I want my perked coffee in the morning and a hot meal at night. I like my small creature comforts. It's hard for me to admit I'm not as worldly as I like to think I am. I know it's all relative and some would disagree with me. I guess what I'm trying to say is I now know what my limits are and what I'm comfortable with, even if it's not what I thought before I set out. No matter how well you think you know yourself there's always more to know and spending three months on the road by yourself will surely bring some new things to light.

Louisiana and beyond

I had a great time in Louisiana but I have to say I've never driven on such terrible roads. I'm always looking for a place that screams home and even though I enjoyed myself in New Orleans it isn't on my list of places I would stay. The whole state is messy with garbage and I didn't feel 100% safe walking around. I don't understand why people need to throw their litter all over the place. It's one thing that has bothered me throughout this whole trip. Even in national parks, I can be standing in the most spectacular landscape and at my feet is a discarded bottle or can. If I had one constant gripe while traveling it would be that.

Driving out of New Orleans you can still see the remnants of both hurricane Katrina and hurricane Isaac. Off to the side of I-10 I saw a whole business area which looked abandoned so I decided to investigate. There was a theater, some office buildings and department stores all smashed and boarded up. This is what I saw.

After leaving there I came across an abandoned hospital. The doors were wide open and the place was completely empty. I had a conversation with someone about the ethics of being an urban explorer. It's an unwritten rule that you enter and leave a place without disturbing anything. I hate to see people destroying a place but on the other hand I do love the graffiti. In the case of this place it made it all the more photogenic.

Now I'm in Florida and about to take a break from the first lag of my trip to work on some pieces to send home to Argyle Fine Art. I am looking forward to staying put for a while and working on the hundreds of photographs I've taken in the last three months. It has all become a bit of a blur but I know memories will come flooding back as I go through and edit what I've recorded. I continue to thank my lucky stars for the life I am leading and don't take a single day for granted.

Trusting my gut and staying safe.

I get asked a lot if there have been times I've felt unsafe or threatened and I can honestly say I can count the times on one hand. In three months of travel I have accepted help from a lot of people and only turned down a couple. I  may have missed out on great opportunities by declining an offer but as the saying goes, I would rather be safe than sorry.

Friends have told me they don't know if they could be as trusting as I am but when you are traveling and living from moment to moment I think you may surprise yourself. The kindness of strangers is always surprising and my first instinct is often to back away and say no thanks. I have learned if I take a moment to listen to what I am being offered and watch body language I can tell if it's a threatening situation or not. Sometimes it's just a small doubt in the back of my mind that doesn't dissipate during the conversation. Like I said, I may judge wrong but so far I have trusted my gut and have had no problems whatsoever.

I think the first time I declined an offer for a shower and place to stay was from a Norwegian man I came across in Texola, Texas. We were heading to the same place and he already had a room booked there. He offered for me to meet up with him, have dinner and a shower. I did take his phone number but didn't contact him. I wasn't comfortable meeting someone at a hotel to take a shower. This seems like a no-brainer but honestly if I had a better vibe I would have gone. Most of me thought it would be harmless but that small voice disagreed. So, I didn't accept.

In Indiana, I was offered a room in a motel-turned-apartments. I stopped to take photos of the motel's neon sign and the owner just happened to be there. He struck up a conversation with me and I learned all about his family and how he came to own the motel. When he learned what I am doing he offered me a vacant room for the night. My caution voice was there then too but it was different. I have learned over the last three months the different levels of gut instincts. It's natural to be guarded with strangers. We have been told our whole lives to be careful of strangers, don't talk to strangers etc. so I think we are always a bit guarded. I have found there is a difference between my natural, ingrained defensiveness with strangers and the serious warning voice. It takes time to recognize the difference but my general rule is if the voice is accompanied by a gut feeling I decline and move on, possibly missing out on something but possibly avoiding a dangerous situation.

In Louisiana, I made a goal of photographing the abandoned Six Flags park in New Orleans. I drove around the park and scouted out where I could park that would be far enough away not to draw attention to it. I ended up leaving my van a lot farther away than I thought. I began walking and right away a car turned around with a young guy and girl and their dog in the back.  They came to ask if I had broken down and needed a ride somewhere. I immediately sized them up, looking around the car and studying their faces. I told them where I was heading and they offered me a ride. I took it. There was nothing out of the ordinary there and I felt no threat at all. On the way back to my van a guy in a beat up truck offered to drive me and I declined. I still don't know why I did but 'no thanks' came out of my mouth before I even thought about it. Sometimes it just happens that way and I don't question it.

Yesterday I decided to take a walk through the French Quarter during the day to take some photographs. Just as I crossed the street I saw two porta potties, but they were both locked. From out of nowhere a guy approaches me and wants to lead me to a hotel where I can use their bathrooms. I feel like he might be a hustler but there are so many people around I follow him. He tells me where I can find a free Thanksgiving dinner, free showers and free places to stay. He has only been in Nola for a few months and has learned the ropes. For the 3 minutes I am walking with him I am studying his face, the road names and all the shops around me. I have my hand on my purse the entire time as well. When he points to the hotel I thank him for his help and walk in the direction of the door. As I approach I can see there are door men holding the door for people and the car pulling up, filled with people who are checking in, looks pretty normal. I was thinking he was leading me to something sketchy and it actually turned out to be a nice place and a much needed pee break. I'm not saying he's not a hustler though. I met him later in the streets and he said, 'Where are you going? I'm trying to hook up with you". I simply responded with a very stern NO and he politely left me alone.

I would never suggest there aren't bad people out there but I am saying that it would be a great thing if we all just let our guard down a little and trusted more. Learning to trust your voice of caution and studying your surroundings is the best defense you have. Not being afraid to be forceful with language is another thing I've learned. Who cares if I offend some person I will never see again if it keeps me safe. I love people and my trip would be nothing without the interactions with them. In the end, they need to trust me as well. The people who have taken me into their homes or made dinner for me don't know me from Adam either so they are also taking a risk.  Thank heavens they take a chance on me because they have helped shape this journey more than they know.

Abandoned Six Flags in New Orleans.

Six Flags Amusement Park in New Orleans was so badly flooded during Hurricane Katrina it has been abandoned ever since.

A bit of history:
The park first opened under the name "Jazzland" in 2000 but it wasn't profitable so in 2001 the lease was put up for sale and in March of 2002, Six Flags purchased the lease.  The last day the park operated was August 21, 2005. Weekday operations ended a couple weeks before due to the fact schools start early in August in that region and end mid-May. The park was scheduled to open August 27 and August 28 as usual but once Katrina was forecast late on Friday to directly hit New Orleans, the weekend opening was cancelled in order to prepare for the storm and begin evacuations. After the park's drainage pumps failed during the storm, the berm retained the combination of rainwater and sea water overflow from Lake Pontchartrain caused by Katrina's massive storm surge, submerging the entire park grounds in corrosive, brackish floodwater to a depth of 4–7 feet. The floodwater was not drained for over a month. Due to the damage received, the park was closed indefinitely with no plans to reopen. (text taken from Wikipedia)

By the time I arrived it was pretty far gone. It’s been vandalized repeatedly and much of the decorations of the park have been piled up in heaps of sad garbage. Being in there was an adrenaline rush. The decrepit rides and buildings made noises in the wind and I kept thinking I heard voices. In the end, my only company was birds and flies. Many people have amazing photographs of this place. I had the opportunity to be there far after it’s prime of beautiful abandonment but I still feel like I made one other little dream come true. I read about the park just after the hurricane and have never forgotten it but I never actually thought I would get the chance to be there. Another check on my list!

What do I want?

Before I left home someone asked me what I hoped to get from this trip. At the time I think I said I wanted freedom and the time to be creative; to see what I'm made of.

After spending the night at the Big Thicket RV Park Okie and I went for a three hour walk in the Big Thicket National Preserve just north of Beaumont, Texas. I had been driving all day from Austin and really wanted a place to cook supper, have a shower and fall asleep. I found a pamphlet at the tourist bureau for this RV Park and decided to head for it, seeing as it would be close to our walk the next day. Well, this is one for the books. I found the place and as I drove in I noticed a lot of barbed wire around the office building, which was really their house. A small sign saying office lead me up the stairs to the front door. Arlene greeted me and I couldn't help but ask, why all the barbed wire? She said it was all forest there when they were building their house and people were stealing their supplies so they put up the fence. Then, in almost the same breath, she said it was there when they got there. I didn't press matters any further. I was too tired, hungry and dirty to care. She told me the showers haven't been open for a while so she'd have to open it for me. She very kindly swept the bugs out of the shower stall and I supplied my own toilet paper. What can I say? I live in a van, I have low standards!

Office surrounded by barbed wire.

 So, back to our morning walk. There was only one other car there when I arrived and I didn't run into the driver and his dog until we were on our way back to the van. We had three blissful hours to ourselves in the woods. It was so quiet. The morning air was chilly but it warmed up over the day. I absolutely LOVE going for walks/hikes with Okie off-leash. It makes for a much better time for both of us. She stays with me, either walking ahead or falling behind but always waiting or catching up. She stops when I do and waits for me to take my photos before continuing on.

Looking forward to seeing a swamp but the water left.

Okie waits for me to take photos.

I can't even express how happy that makes me. Recognizing that, I started to think about what else makes me happy. Would this give me the answer to what I want to get out of this?

So, number one is easy. I am happiest walking in the woods/trail with Okie, coffee in hand and camera on shoulder. I am happiest when I have the space and time to work on my art. I am happiest when I am traveling. I am happiest when I feel like I'm actively participating in my life instead of following routine and being a slave to my alarm clock. When I have finished this journey, if I finish, I want to be sure of what I want next. If I look at the happiest places in my mind I can see myself in a small house in the country, but close to a city, with a studio space, a couple of dogs and lots of nature to walk in. Oh, and the ability to travel when I need to find inspiration. Sounds ideal doesn't it?

If there's one thing I've learned it's that I can make things happen if I want them bad enough. There's nothing wrong with setting my sights on another goal (when I'm ready) that seems completely out of my reach. I didn't always believe I could pull this off but working towards it and making it reality has been a major accomplishment in my life. Hard work, sacrifice and patience is all I need.

Phoenix, AZ to Roswell, NM

My time in Phoenix was both great and shitty. I was there for a total of nine days and in that time my bank card got shredded, I had to put my van in the shop, was painfully ill for 3 days and I caught a little boy throwing rocks at Okie. I also ate some delicious food, drank at an old tiki bar and dressed up for Halloween to watch a friends band play. I lived both in my van and in my friends house and was starting to get used to having power and hot water readily available.

I left Phoenix on Sunday and drove to Saguaro National Park where I hoped to camp for the night. I watched the sun set behind the very distant mountains surrounding the valley town. Okie and I went for a little dusk stroll along one of the park trails. I don’t know if it’s because of the Roadrunner and Coyote cartoons but I love the look of the big saguaro cacti, especially the silhouettes of them against the darkening sky. Upon our return to the van a policeman/ranger  greeted me with news of my needing to move on for the night. John was one of the nicest cops I’d encounteredt. We chatted for a while about my trip and his travels with his career and when we parted he told me he was impressed with my choice. Nice man. I ended up sleeping at a Travel Stop gas station off the I-10 in
Arizona.

I drove for most of the next day.  My goal was to make it to Elephant Butte Lake State Park. I chose to take the scenic route through the Gila National Forest. I love driving through National Forests because they seem to always contain tree covered mountains which gives me a break from seeing desert all the time. As a person from a coastal town I miss water when I’m not around it for a long time. Before I started driving around the desert I had romantic notions of the desert landscape. I still love it and all it’s variety but I also need to see water every once in a while and don’t think I could ever settle somewhere without it. This is why I wanted to camp at Elephant Butte Lake. That and  I’ve never seen a desert lake.

	"little bastards"

The one thing that annoys me to no end about going for walks, either on the beach, in the woods or on the side of the road, is what I refer to as “you little bastards”. Since Oklahoma I have been combating these devil plants, trying to keep them out of both mine and Okie’s feet. The route I chose to walk down to the water today was swarming with them and we both ended up with them stabbing at the bottoms of our feet. Once we got closer to the shore they disappeared but for a short distance I opted to carry Okie. One jabbed into her pad so deep it drew blood. When she steps on one she stops, raises her paw and looks at me. I go over and grab her paw to remove it and as I do she gently bites my thumb as if to say “Owe! But thanks!”. I can’t wait until I’m somewhere they cease to grow!

After our painful but beautiful walk we jumped in the van and got ready to head towards Roswell. I mean, who can be this close and not detour there? As I went to start the van I noticed a piece of paper on my windshield. Hmm, what could this be? A $3000 fine for being in a state park without paying?! I stupidly took my stub out of the window when I left the my campsite. I calmly explained the situation to the woman at the exit booth and she took it back saying she’ll fix it. Man! Can you imagine? It’s only a $300 fine if you get caught throwing litter out of your vehicle but $3000 if you visit a state park without paying. Wow.

Anyways, after driving through places like Truth or Consequences (named after a 1950s game show, formerly Hot Springs) and Lincoln (home of the last stand of Billy The Kid) I am now in Roswell. I’ve come into town just at dark so I plan to sleep in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It’s not my first choice but it’ll do every now and then. Tomorrow I'll explore Roswell and its kitschy alien gift shops. So far it looks like any other town with it’s Wal-Mart, Target, Starbucks, Burger King, Home Depot etc, except their McDonald’s is shaped like a UFO.

How's the bartering going?

When I was planning on setting out on this journey I did a lot of reading and researching on how people make money to keep on traveling. It is a necessary evil if you want to travel full time. Money runs out and I knew I would have to think about the practicalities of continuing on at some point.

Much of what I read talked about using your skills and interests to generate income. Being an art school grad my skills are all creative-based so I have to work with that. This is when I came up with the bartering idea. It was my intention to trade my art and photography skills for things I need, like food, showers, power hook-ups etc. It was quite naive and probably a bit egotistical of me to think the things I make or do are of value to other people, especially with the economy being the way it is. Apart from me leaving gifts for people who have let me stay with them, business owners and such need to feed their families and pay their bills, not get a postcard or a piece of art from a traveler wandering through.

I have had a few successful trades with people though, including a package of my postcards for a t-shirt from the American Sign Museum and another package for a room for the night in an old motel turned apartments. I attempted once to barter with a route 66 motel, photographing the place and then offering to make postcards for them to sell. I thought it would be a great way to have the luxury of a room every now and then while getting some of my work out there. Although the caretaker of the motel and I became friends, he wasn't interested in my proposal and we ended up talking more about the fact he had just lost his job and how tough times are. I think that was the moment I realized my naivete.

Another part of the problem with this idea is my shyness when selling my craft. Most artists, and this definitely includes me, are terrible at self-promotion. I hadn't thought through the idea of how to approach people or even what I was going to approach them with. Yes, I take photographs but not really ever of people so what was I planning on doing for them? I am someone who doesn't always think things through and tend to fly by the seat of my pants, with a logical head of course.

So, I am at a point where I need to re-evaluate the bartering idea or come up with another plan altogether. I'm not disheartened by any of this but reality is different than what I dreamed up before I hit the road. Suggestions are welcome.

Onwards and upwards!

What a week!

This past week has been a true test of my strength, spirit, smarts and sense of humor. I think I've failed as an intelligent tourist but excelled at keeping my wits about me.

While still in Utah, Okie and I went for a walk behind the land we were camped out on. About 30 minutes back on the trail I stopped once again to give us both water. It was a hot, sunny desert day. I'm very diligent about checking for creepy-crawlies before I put down my pack or let Okie stand still for any length of time. This time I failed to see the red ant hill beside me. I was getting our water out when I saw Okie trying to shake an ant off her paw. I immediately swatted it off. She wouldn't put her paw down and when I got her to walk she limped. The first thing that rushed to my mind was fire ants, poisonous fire ants! I scooped Okie up and started jogging back to the van. I'll admit I panicked. I kept repeating out loud, 'this is all my fault, please don't die on me'. She became limp and her eyes were closing but I wasn't letting her go to sleep. At this point I'm holding back the tears. I'm hot, thirsty and fear dehydrating but I'm moving as fast as I can. Back at the van I put her down and she slumps onto her side. I then run to the camping spot next to mine, huffing and puffing, to see if they know where a vet is when out of nowhere Okie is standing next to me, tail wagging. I don't know if she was just tired and wanted me to carry her but I finally allowed myself to cry. I was so happy to see her ok it didn't matter why she was so unresponsive before. Now I know she's learned to jump out of the van.

Two days later, now just outside of Death Valley, it's getting dark so I pull over into what looks like a gravel alcove. I figured I would be off the road enough to go fairly undetected for the night. As soon as I drove 10 feet in I could tell the gravel wasn't as hard-packed as it appeared to be. I was stuck. There was no going forward or backwards. My tires sank deeper and deeper into the ground. The road, as desolate as it was, had a fair amount of traffic so I decided to give up for the night and hopefully flag someone down in the morning who could pull me out. It struck me as funny, the idea I was in the situation so many people warned me about. I was in the middle of the desert, van stuck in the ground and my cell phone had no reception. I made a peanut butter sandwich and went to bed. In the morning I made coffee and prepared myself for the possibility I would have to dig myself out. Thank goodness for friends who think of things I don't. I was given a bag of survival stuff by a good friend and in it was a shovel. I could have kissed him if he was there...and not married. I didn't need it though, this time. The first vehicle I flagged down happened to be a highway patrol truck and he had me out of there in 10 minutes. What a feeling it was to be back on the road.

I had wanted to go back into Death Valley that morning to go hiking but my mind was on the 'check engine' light that was now on. Before getting stuck however, I had spent the day in Death Valley and let me tell you it's quite the place. I've never seen such a vast expanse of nothing and felt so destitute, even though there were sporadic cars carrying other tourists. Okie and I did go for a short hike to a location I believe was used in one of the Star Wars movies. Okie is quite the adventure dog. She is often ahead of me, scaling rocks and then looking at me as if to say, 'are you coming or what?' She's the one who gets me exploring when I'd usually still be thinking about whether I want to go in, up or under there. Who says little dogs aren't good for hiking?!

The hills looked like they were oozing towards the road.

The badlands where I wanted to hike.

Our hike to the natural bridge.

Okie climbing a dry waterfall.

Not snow. It's salt forming on the dry lake bed.

262 feet below sea level.

Freed from the gravel, we were cruising along towards the San Bernardino National Forest. I had been driving through so much desert I wanted to balance it with a hike through some trees. On the way I stumble upon an abandoned water park. In the desert. I can't imagine why this place went under. (insert sarcastic tone). But, lucky for me it did and it made for a fun little excursion for the two of us. It was surprisingly clean and free of glass so I felt perfectly at ease letting Okie explore, as she likes to do. She's a wonderful companion and loves to wander and check things out but always has her eye on me, following wherever I go. We had the place to ourselves and spent a good amount of time walking and taking photos. 

After spending the night 7000 feet up in the National Forest I cut through San Bernardino and headed for a drive on a secondary highway towards Quartzsite, AZ, where I hear there is more BLM land to camp on for free. On the way I drove by the Imperial Sand Dunes recreational area where people drive like crazy over the dunes. I have never seen or been out on real desert sand dunes and could hardly contain my child-like excitement about running around on them. I parked and the two of us went tearing around like crazies. It's like a giant sandbox for the little one and she was having a blast right along with me. 

Okie and my footprints

Just down the road I saw a bunch of trailers and RVs parked and since it was getting late I chose to stay there for the night instead of trying to make it to Quartzsite in the dark. After all, this spot was free camping too. Then, I become the uneducated tourist again and decide to pull over in an area which is far away from everyone else. Turns out there is a good reason why no one else had decided to set up there. Yup, you guessed it. Stuck again. This time in very soft sand and I knew it was happening but I reacted too late. What else does someone like me do in this situation? Make another PB sandwich and take long exposures of the van stuck in the desert.

I woke really early in the morning knowing the sun would get hotter as the day went on and I imagined I would have a long morning of digging ahead of me. The digging wouldn't start until after I made the morning pot of coffee though. This is when the shovel was a much appreciated gift. After letting a lot of the air out of my tires to give them more surface to grip I dug out the wheels and made a path under the van. This would get me about 15 feet before my back wheels would spin and get buried again. Coffee break, then repeat the digging and moving 10 feet. I kept thinking of all the ways this could be worse and it kept my mood up. It could have been mud I was stuck in. It could have been raining or I could have stopped in quicksand. I knew I would get out eventually.  It took me a good two hours to make it to hard land and what excitement when I reached it. We danced and jumped around in the sand, clapping and cheering, even though Okie had no idea what was so exciting. She had spent the last two hours chasing the sand I was throwing and digging holes net to me to bury sticks I had dug up. At one point she had me laughing my head off as she barked and chased a tumbling plastic bag across the dunes. Having her around really does help make light of things. Oh, to be a dog.

The sense of accomplishment I felt when I finally got the van out was pretty awesome. There's nothing quite like feeling you can do things on your own, especially when it involves vehicles. Once on solid ground I had to put air back in the tires and this time a friends thoughtful trade at my last yard sale saved my butt. He had traded me a tire pump that plugs into the lighter of the van. Still drinking coffee, I hooked it up tire by tire and re-inflated them. Again, how awesome I felt to not have to ask for help. I am safe and have learned much, all while keeping a strong head and I will never pull off the road without checking things out again. Time to be a smart tourist.