Almost home.

I knew when I woke up and saw Okie's water frozen in her dish we had to start sleeping in motels. Despite my father lending me a heater it is too cold for me to keep sleeping in my van now. My cooking fuel doesn't work under freezing temperatures (no making coffee in the morning) and the majority of campgrounds and state parks are closed for the season. It was time to give up the fight and fork out the cash.

Maybe I should have spent more time in the southern states but sometimes I just keep driving. I really do enjoy driving and I'm doing a lot of it. The last campground I stayed at was on the outskirts of Culpeper, Virginia and it was quite the place. It looked like most of the trailers there had been parked for a long time; a lot of permanent residents.  The maintenance man, Kevin, who is in charge of 16 acres all by himself (so he kept telling me) provided me with the space and lifted the rusty barrel off the power box so I could plug in. About a half hour later another burly man in a hunting jacket comes to collect my $25 and tells me if it gets too cold I can "come on up to the house and sleep on the couch". Southern hospitality hey?!

The first motel was Granny's Motel in Frackville, PA. I chose to sleep there because the statues on the outside caught my attention. In it's heyday I'm sure it was quite the place but it looks to me like it has been passed by the interstate, leaving it to fall into less than stellar condition. I like places like this though and it's cheap so it was our home for the night. You may not be able to tell but their eyes are quite vapid and the kid is holding a headless doll.

Tonight I am at a Motel 6 in Massachusetts somewhere. As I heat up my dinner of beans and rice I see my reflection in the mirror. I'm definitely looking a little worse for wear. I drove all day without taking enough breaks. Okie and I aren't as inspired to go for long walks as we used to be. She doesn't seem to like the cold any more than I do. Am I complaining? Maybe a little but I'm coming home for all great reasons and with a new goal. I'm excited about the way things are looking for the next four months. Plus, the closer I get the more excited I am to be seeing my friends and family. Let the next chapter begin.

Coincidences?

I have talked before about coincidences and the universe, or whatever it is, providing me with what I need, even when I don't realize what I'm asking for. Remember the cabin at the Grand Canyon I was given just when I was starting to feel a bit lost on the road? Or Okie showing up in my life after I had to give up the dog I adopted to join me for my journey? There are countless examples of this...and here's another one.

My original plan was to stay with my good friends and their family from February until I was ready to head back out on the road. Three days ago I received an email from my ex-boss asking where I was going to stay when I return home. Her house was available to rent if I needed it. I thanked her for the offer but told her I had already made arrangements. The next day Adriana, the owner of Argyle Fine Art, emailed and informed me three of my pieces at the gallery sold. Great news, I thought, knowing I could use that money during my stay. Not to mention it's always very flattering when someone likes something I've made enough to purchase it and hang it on their wall.

So, yesterday I was feeling a bit restless and decided to take Okie and I on a hike. There are tons of  bird trails here so I didn't have to go far. During our walk I reflected on what I was told about meditating recently. I have never invested much time in meditation even though I know someone like me could sure benefit from it. This person put it to me a different way which I could relate to more. Instead of sitting in silence and trying to let your mind go, she takes time during whatever she's doing, say, during a conversation, and reminds herself she is in the moment; ie, my foot is moving, the air smells flowery, I'm holding a cup of coffee, and so on. For her, it brings her into the exact moment she is living in and helps her feel more connected to the now. As I walked, I tried her technique and it works well for me. Knowing I'm leaving so soon has made me wish I had this practice earlier. I believe it helped me realize my new plan.

As I walked all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Why hadn't I thought of this already? The money from my recent sales at the gallery could pay for renting the house. This would give me a studio space to work, so to speak, and all the quiet I could handle in order to create the type of work I want. After my exhibition opening in March I will move into my friends place for two months with a clear head and no distractions. I can simply enjoy their company and hopefully pick up some paid work. Adding to this amazing conclusion is the fact my boss' tenants were originally going to stay until March but recently decided to leave the end of January, just in time for me to arrive.

I can't begin to tell you how amazing it all is that this has come together. It's another example of how envisioning what you want and working towards it helps make it happen. I didn't know I needed a place all to myself for a couple months while putting the show together but now that it has been offered it's EXACTLY what I need. Thanks again Universe. I won't let you down.

A trail in the Everglades is not necessarily a trail.

After spending the night camping too close to other people for our liking we head to the most remote camping spot on the map. It's a free site which makes it all the more better. With a van full of provisions we head down the 25 mile dirt road to a hidden spot where we'll set up home for a few days. It's what's referred to as primitive camping without power or water hook-up.

On the way there Larry is excitedly looking for any kind of reptile he can interact with. There are alligators lining the road on both sides and birds galore but what he really wants to find are snakes. Before becoming a hobo he raised and bred reptiles. With a shout of "STOP, STOP, STOP!" I just barley break in time to avoid running over our first snake. Larry jumps out before we are even at a full stop and before I can blink he has the snake in his hand. I'm not afraid of snakes but I certainly wouldn't go picking them up without the experience of knowing how to handle one. Have you ever seen such a happy person?!

The next morning we he makes a big breakfast of oatmeal and bananas, I pack a lunch and some water and we head out on what we think will be a day hike in the Everglades. I talked to the ranger at the gate and he gave me a map of the trails and told us where to start. Now, let me just say we may not be the brightest tourists but in our defense it looked like the trails would be marked and easy to follow. I mean, there's a map of them after all. We set out at 10:30. In the beginning we are excited to notice every bug, plant, lizard and bird we see. We walk thorough tall grass, between pine trees, under palm trees and through cypress swamp all the while happily chatting about what we see.

I'm guessing we lost the trail after we walked through this area of swamp. The trail posts we found after wading up to our thighs in water had either rusted so bad the tags were gone or melted into an unrecognizable twisted mess. It was about 3:30 and we would be out of sunlight soon. After  trying to retrace our steps several times I was terribly turned around and everything looked the same. Larry looked at me and gave me two choices. We either continue to try and find the swamp we walked through and therefore get back on the trail or I follow him while he makes his own way out. "But you don't know what's out there" I say. "No, I don't" he replies. I'm calm on the outside but inside I'm convinced we are going to die out there with no ID on either one of us to identify the bodies. We didn't even have matches to start a fire! With clenched teeth I agree to follow his instincts. He excitedly starts off towards the sunset. We had the sun to our back on the way in so it made sense to have it in front of us on the way out. I follow him in silence for what seems like forever and then I ask him, "are you not panicked at all?" Picking some kind of plant, he replies, "no, I don't panic until the end" and he smiles. I have to admit his calmness and confidence helped me keep my own worries in check. The only thing I could do to help get us out was to follow in silence and not freak out at him.

Then came the sound of cars. The highway! A half hour later we reached the road, but where the heck were we? This was not anywhere near where we entered the 'trail'. Luckily there was a map where we exited as it was an entrance for wilderness camping. We would have to walk about 5 miles up the interstate and then hop a tall, barbed wire fence to get back into the preserve and then walk another 4 or 5 miles up the dirt road to our site. We were both soaked and muddy from the knees down. My rubber boots were almost filled to the top with swampy water and the air was getting colder with the disappearing sun. We set off walking anyway. There was no choice. Okie had been in the van all day and I worried about her.

We walked maybe a mile or so when I heard a vehicle pull over behind us. It was Alberto, a Road Ranger, stopping to find out why we were walking on the I-75 when it's illegal to do so. We told him our story and he wasn't surprised by it. Not long ago a Norwegian man got lost for 2 days in the Everglades.

Alberto called a Highway Patrol car to come take us back to Bear Island. While we waited he offered Larry a sweater and me some chocolate. He had a bag of bars with him because he was trying to quit smoking and thought they would help. He shared many stories with us about other people he had found along the road while we waited for the patrol officer. Jason arrived within a half hour and he drove us to the entrance of the campground, leaving us to walk the one mile or so left to get to our site. It was the longest mile I've ever walked and the happiest I've ever been to put on dry socks.

In the morning we decide we'd seen all we want to see of our current location so we drove further down the 41 and enter the Collier-Seminole State Part in Ten Thousand Islands area. Once again we are told there are no camping spots left but after talking to them for a few minutes they decide to put us in the youth group camping site all by ourselves. We were the happiest campers there I swear. We had a huge area all to ourselves with our own driveway. We are both ridiculously lucky people.

As we sat drinking and chatting over the fire that night we hear various shouts of happy new year from the campers outside our little haven. Both of us are surprised it had gotten so late. We wish each other a happy new year and I run off to bed to get away from the relentless mosquitoes. By the end of our adventure we are both bitten pretty badly up and down our limbs. We celebrate the new year the next day with a canoe trip down the canals. It's a perfect day. The sun is shining, the water is calm and we are happy to paddle our way through our hangovers.

For the second time I drop him off at the edge of town and watch him disappear into the woods. This time he heads towards his home. I beep the horn and wave good-bye while Okie barks out her own farewell. She really likes that guy. It's a hard thing coming to realize I will very likely never see him again. I am very grateful to have made such a friend and enjoyed traveling with him. I remember saying before I left home I couldn't imagine finding someone who would want to travel the way I do. Larry is that person and I enjoyed our time together. I wish him the best of luck finding his way and hope we will never lose touch completely.

Expenses.

While traveling I have been doing my best to keep track of how much I spend. I keep receipts for everything and record them in my day planner at the end of each day, with the exception of this month because I've been staying at my folks place. I wanted to give myself an idea of how much I spend on certain things, ie. food, gas, lodging, so that I can budget better in the future. So, I share this information in case anyone out there is thinking about embarking on this kind of adventure.

SEPTEMBER
Nova Scotia to Oklahoma

Accommodations: $133.18
Entertainment and Touristy Things: $69.71
Food and Drink: $449.55
Supplies and Maintenance: $439.37
Gas: $921.39

The first month on the road I stayed for free most nights so my accommodation costs were quite low. I spent 4 nights in Highland, NY when I had the concussion, 2 nights in Ardmore, PA at a friends, 3 nights in Maryland at a friends house, and 4 nights at other acquaintances I met while traveling. All for free or trade. Most other nights I parked on the side of the road or at truck stops. $300 of the supplies and maintenance went to a new battery and exhaust repair for my van.

OCTOBER
Oklahoma to California and back to Arizona

Okie (new expenses after adopting my dog): $235.00
Accommodations: $211.50
Entertainment and Touristy Things: $667.86
Food and Drink: $502.50
Supplies and Maintenance: $1377.71
Gas: $650.00

I spent more money on campgrounds the second month but it was also the month where I was given a free cabin at the Grand Canyon for 4 nights, stayed on BLM land outside Zion National Park and parked outside a friends place in Phoenix for a week.  My maintenance costs were the highest in October because I had to buy new tires at a cost of $750 and had some other work done to the tune of $450. Also, the entertainment category is quite high because I bought a season pass to National Parks  and treated myself to a new tattoo.

NOVEMBER
Arizona to Florida

Okie: $52.68
Accommodations: $135.04
Entertainment and Touristy Things: $221.50
Food and Drink: $373.48
Supplies and Maintenance: $117.39
Gas: $669.00

I started November off sick and still parked in Phoenix for 4 days. I spent 3 free days in Austin, TX and then 8 days couchsurfing  in New Orleans. I was also invited to stay at a friends in Panama City where I visited for 3 days and then headed down south to Florida where I am now.


Although I tried to be diligent and organized I can tell by the total spent over the three months I must have missed recording some expenses. It's off only by a couple hundred based on what I started with and what I have left in my bank account. The expenses recorded above equal $7236.86.  My goal now is to head back to Nova Scotia in February and exhibit some new work with hopes of financing my next adventure. Looking at my costs listed like this I'm sure I can do better, especially in the entertainment and accommodation categories. I will be heading out next time with more art work and a better plan for bartering.

What the hell is hashing?

If you aren't familiar with couchsurfing, it's a website where people offer to host travelers. I decided to give it a try when I knew I was going to be in New Orleans. I thought it would be a great way to see the city from a locals perspective and it would be much safer than trying to find a place to park on the streets. I'm really glad I did.

Pat answered my request and I have been parked in his backyard since Friday. Having Okie made it a bit harder to find a host and even Pat can't have animals in his place but that's the advantage to having my bed on wheels. I don't need to sleep in the house but now I have access to power and showers again, as well as having someone who is really fun to show me around.

On Saturday he asked if I want to go hashing with him. I had no idea what that was but am almost always up for something new. It sounds really silly when it is described but I'll give it a go anyway. A group of people get together and race through a trail trying to catch the hare; a person designated to run from the pack. Beer is a big part of the whole event, with one stop in the middle of it to break and drink beer. People can drink anywhere in Louisiana, in fact if you have a beer in a bar and want to go somewhere else before it's finished there's a guy at the door to give you a "to-go cup" so you can take it with you. No glass is allowed on the streets.

This particular hash took place in a swamp. It was muddy, full of thorns and swampland and ridiculously fun. These people are absolutely nuts and incredibly nice. Once everyone is out of the trail a circle of individuals is formed where people are called into the middle for various 'offenses' and are ordered to do a 'down-down'. A cup of beer is filled and you have to drink the whole thing at once. Whatever you can't drink goes over your head. Being my first hash I was the virgin. I was nervous about what they might make me do but I think they took it easy on me. Then there's food and a bonfire. Not all of the hashes are like this. Some of them take place in the city and don't involve camping, fires or fireworks like this one did. I've been told they are usually much more tame than this one was so I'm awfully glad my first one was the craziest group.

I have met so many great people here in such a short time and can hardly keep up with any of them! I think I'll stay for a little while longer. There are many abandoned places for me to photograph and I'm in a safe and welcoming place so why wouldn't I take advantage of this time? My life is pretty great right now!

Phoenix, AZ to Roswell, NM

My time in Phoenix was both great and shitty. I was there for a total of nine days and in that time my bank card got shredded, I had to put my van in the shop, was painfully ill for 3 days and I caught a little boy throwing rocks at Okie. I also ate some delicious food, drank at an old tiki bar and dressed up for Halloween to watch a friends band play. I lived both in my van and in my friends house and was starting to get used to having power and hot water readily available.

I left Phoenix on Sunday and drove to Saguaro National Park where I hoped to camp for the night. I watched the sun set behind the very distant mountains surrounding the valley town. Okie and I went for a little dusk stroll along one of the park trails. I don’t know if it’s because of the Roadrunner and Coyote cartoons but I love the look of the big saguaro cacti, especially the silhouettes of them against the darkening sky. Upon our return to the van a policeman/ranger  greeted me with news of my needing to move on for the night. John was one of the nicest cops I’d encounteredt. We chatted for a while about my trip and his travels with his career and when we parted he told me he was impressed with my choice. Nice man. I ended up sleeping at a Travel Stop gas station off the I-10 in
Arizona.

I drove for most of the next day.  My goal was to make it to Elephant Butte Lake State Park. I chose to take the scenic route through the Gila National Forest. I love driving through National Forests because they seem to always contain tree covered mountains which gives me a break from seeing desert all the time. As a person from a coastal town I miss water when I’m not around it for a long time. Before I started driving around the desert I had romantic notions of the desert landscape. I still love it and all it’s variety but I also need to see water every once in a while and don’t think I could ever settle somewhere without it. This is why I wanted to camp at Elephant Butte Lake. That and  I’ve never seen a desert lake.

	"little bastards"

The one thing that annoys me to no end about going for walks, either on the beach, in the woods or on the side of the road, is what I refer to as “you little bastards”. Since Oklahoma I have been combating these devil plants, trying to keep them out of both mine and Okie’s feet. The route I chose to walk down to the water today was swarming with them and we both ended up with them stabbing at the bottoms of our feet. Once we got closer to the shore they disappeared but for a short distance I opted to carry Okie. One jabbed into her pad so deep it drew blood. When she steps on one she stops, raises her paw and looks at me. I go over and grab her paw to remove it and as I do she gently bites my thumb as if to say “Owe! But thanks!”. I can’t wait until I’m somewhere they cease to grow!

After our painful but beautiful walk we jumped in the van and got ready to head towards Roswell. I mean, who can be this close and not detour there? As I went to start the van I noticed a piece of paper on my windshield. Hmm, what could this be? A $3000 fine for being in a state park without paying?! I stupidly took my stub out of the window when I left the my campsite. I calmly explained the situation to the woman at the exit booth and she took it back saying she’ll fix it. Man! Can you imagine? It’s only a $300 fine if you get caught throwing litter out of your vehicle but $3000 if you visit a state park without paying. Wow.

Anyways, after driving through places like Truth or Consequences (named after a 1950s game show, formerly Hot Springs) and Lincoln (home of the last stand of Billy The Kid) I am now in Roswell. I’ve come into town just at dark so I plan to sleep in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It’s not my first choice but it’ll do every now and then. Tomorrow I'll explore Roswell and its kitschy alien gift shops. So far it looks like any other town with it’s Wal-Mart, Target, Starbucks, Burger King, Home Depot etc, except their McDonald’s is shaped like a UFO.

Living in a van full-time.

I've been a bit slack on the updates but it's because I have been staying put in Phoenix for the last four days or so. I foolishly left my bank card in an ATM and the bank shredded it. I've been playing the waiting game at my friends place for it's replacement so I can continue on my way. In the meantime, I will share this potentially boring, hopefully informative post.

When I tell people I'm living in a van they are very eager to see the inside. When I show them they are often surprised that I have everything I need. I was talking to someone the other day who has spent quite a bit of time living in vans and we both experience lots of questions about the everyday practicalities of living in a van full time. I thought since my site says it's also about the van-dwelling lifestyle I should dedicate a post to it.

Before I left I was a night person, going to bed between 12am and 2am but since being on the road my bedtime arrives much earlier. I tend to start looking for a place to sleep around dinner time. I don't care to drive after the sun sets because I can't see what I may be passing by. We pull into our spot for the night, be it an RV park or the side of the road, I feed Okie and myself and then if my laptop is powered up I go through my photos from the day. If that's not an option I read or write or often just sit with Okie in silence.

The mornings have virtually the same routine as home except now I spend a good 10 minutes snuggling and playing with Okie before we have to venture out into the cold. Then it's coffee for me and breakfast for her. I have a small portable butane stove and an old perk coffee pot which I either set up outside or, if I'm not somewhere I can do that, put it on the floor of the van with the doors open. There have been times finding the butane cartridges has been difficult so I've had to rig up my propane BBQ to perk my oh-so-necessary morning brew.  It turns out the pot won't perk if its just placed on the BBQ so I had to use tinfoil to concentrate the heat under the pot. It will work but it uses up a lot of propane. I have learned to drink my coffee black.... and often cold.

It is impossible to keep the floor clean. Every morning while the coffee is brewin' I tidy up. I did the same thing when I had an apartment. I put everything back in it's proper place and sweep the floor. I enter and exit the side doors so frequently that I bring in all the dirt, sand, mud and whatever little bits of nature that decides to attach itself to my shoes. I always have a small cloth hanging by the door to wipe Okie's feet off and to wipe everything off the floor and out the door. Every little thing has to have it's own spot in the van and if too many items are out of place it makes my home messy quickly. I have one shelf for food an another for dishes and such. Under the bed is the largest storage space where I keep towels and bedding, extra shoes and sneakers, BBQ, fold-up chair and table and extra supplies. Often, when I have to get to something it involves moving other items out of the way. I've gotten used to having to shuffle things around and arranging stuff so the most often used is the easiest to get to.

My food is kept in the fridge, of course, but I seldoml have power so I buy a bag of ice every day or two to keep it working like an icebox. I keep it modestly stocked so nothing goes to waste. I am now thinking I need to attach a bungee cord around the front of the fridge. Many times while driving the door has flung open sending various items tumbling out. It is important to always put the heavier things, like a jug of water, on the bottom shelf because it seems to stay put better. Just recently I absentmindedly put a jug back in on the second shelf and it came flying out on a sharp left turn sending water all over the place. It's quite hazardous when trying to keep your eyes on the road.

The sink has two containers under it; one full of water for doing dishes and the other empty to catch the drainage. I have to keep an eye on the drainage jug because if it spills over it is a disgusting, smelly mess. Think of cold, greasy, rotting food-water. It will only overflow once and you will never neglect it again. The clean water jug gets filled up any time I stay at an RV park. I recently bought a small hose so when I have the opportunity to hook up I have running water through the taps instead of using the little pumping arm to bring the water up from the jug through a smaller spout. On the counter I have fastened, with strong double-sided tape, a basket to store bread, bananas granola bars and other food stuffs which don't fit in my food cupboard. If I sit on my toilet, which has a cover making it look like a little ottoman, I can prepare meals on the counter. If I could change one thing about my van it would be the height of the ceiling. I didn't think I would mind not being able to stand but I am a tall girl and bending over all the time hurts the back.

I was never good at cleaning the bathroom when I had an apartment but I would take that any day over dealing with my portable toilet. RV parks and some gas stations provide dump sites for my Campa Potti. It is in two sections, the top one needs to be filled with water for flushing and the bottom partly filled with a cleaner/deodorizer added. I use it as little as possible but I'm very happy I have it.

I believe the bed is queen size which allows for the large amount of storage space under it but it is much larger than I need for me and the little one. I use half of the bed, against the back doors, to keep two suitcases for my clothes and dirty laundry bag. I had intentions of doing laundry in the van using the natural movement of the van while driving to agitate a bucket of soapy water. I read about this method in Steinbeck's "Travels with Charley" and thought it was a great idea, however, I've never gotten myself organized enough to do it that way. I've been using laundromats, campgrounds and peoples houses. I have a clothes line in the back, stretching from one side of the van to the other where I hang my jackets and sweaters. The same line is also used to dry my wet towel after taking a shower. Before I left I bought a solar shower bag I planned on using but haven't used it yet. Instead, I have paid as little as $.50 and as much as $5.00 for a shower. In between having access to a shower I take bird-baths at gas stations and truck stops. I will never take cleanliness for granted ever again. A person only needs to go three days without a proper shower for it to feel like heaven when you finally get one.

At the fear of making this post too long I think I'll stop here. Maybe I have left out some details. If you have any other questions about my day-to-day life traveling and living in a van don't hesitate to ask. Thanks for stopping by.

Degrees of luxury.

While traveling in a van I can give myself varying degrees of luxury for the night. The bottom of the totem would be staying at Walmart or a truck stop like Denny's/gas station. The noise and lights make for a night of interrupted sleep but I know I'm safe there at the very least. I have no power and it seems pretty ridiculous to set up my table and bbq in the parking lot so all we can do is hunker down inside and read.

Next would be paying for a campground. I have paid very little, from $10-$19 for a spot without power but with Internet access. The benefits of that are there is usually a shower, bathrooms and often laundry. Obviously it's normal to set up and make supper there and it gives little Okie some space to roam. Higher on the list would be paying full price and having a power hook-up. This is a luxury because it means I can charge my laptop and plug in my fridge and lights. Normally I buy a bag of ice a day to keep my fridge acting like an ice box.

Of course at the top would be checking into a motel but that is often beyond my budget and now that I have Okie it isn't that much of an option. Twice, before the little one came along, I stayed in a motel and it was like heaven. To lay on a bed and watch tv in a place I can stand up and move around in is a real luxury. But that's not what this trip is about so I guess it's ok that I can't do that much anymore.

On the topic of Okie, I worry I am traumatizing her with her new life. There is so much stopping and going, in and out of the van, sleeping in noisy places etc, I wonder if it's hard on her nerves or if it's something she'll get used to eventually. I hope I am giving her a better life than what she had otherwise I haven't helped her at all. She knows now when we are going to drive. If I sit in the drivers seat she is there by my side waiting to be picked up. When I open the side door to go out she waits to be lifted out. I think she's getting the hang of things but her shaking makes me think she isn't relaxed. Is it true chihuahuas just shake anyway? It makes me feel bad.

We arrived in Sante Fe at dusk last night so we are headed out today to explore. It will be a leisurely day and we have been offered a place to park for the night so we can just relax and enjoy ourselves.

What I've learned thus far, part 2...and my first blahs

I've learned that it's hard for me to receive help from people. Ok, I've always known that but with the situation I'm in and the Barter Van idea I have to swallow my pride. I have been looking after myself for so long I've taken on the attitude that I don't need anyone; I can do it all on my own. No man, or woman, is an island and no one gets through life simply relying on themselves. I am learning it's ok to accept help. I am also the type of person who would rather focus on other peoples problems rather than dealing with my own. Recently someone I met made a point of devoting the day to me and anything I want to do. I hadn't realized how hard that was for me to do. Maybe that's why I find it so comfortable to travel alone. That way I can do what I want and not feel guilty about the other person not fulfilling their desires. Then again, I can also be quite selfish. The good thing about being alone for long, and I mean long, periods of time on long stretches of road is I get ample amount of time to reflect on such topics.

Reality isn't so romantic. I dreamed about doing this for so long, especially Route 66, I hadn't realized how dismal parts of it truly are. Most of the time I drive through long stretches of flat farmland until I reach the next town. And when I say town I really mean a few buildings and closed up shops along with the one or two places doing their best to survive off the Routes lasting stigma. Other places don't even try to be part of it with only a couple houses remaining amongst the boarded up shops, motels and gas stations. I am at odds with being happy to find weathered old signs and coming upon the restored places. My creative side always likes finding the neglected but my nostalgia wants to see more restored places. I think my notions of the road trip remain romantic only in my head.

Kansas town restored because of Disney's movie Cars

Sign from motel turned apartment. Like so many along the route.

I remember people asking me why I want to do this and my response was always I want to know what it feels like to be free and see 'what I'm made of'. Reflecting on that, and being a month into my journey I don't think I know exactly what that means. It's true I am free of work and schedules but I still worry every day about my van breaking down and my money diminishing. I have chores and sometimes I think it's harder than when I was pampered with power and hot water at my fingertips. My ultimate goal is still elusive. Is it so I can say I did this? Is it so I don't regret not doing it when I'm old? Is it to return to Nova Scotia with a new body of work to have another exhibition? Is it to be free and see what the world has to offer? I answered yes to all of these questions before I left but the same questions linger...and more. I wonder if I am capable of going all the way across the US and back without succumbing to loneliness or fear of being stranded in the middle of nowhere. Luckily fear and doubt never last long with me and never stops me from doing what I started out to do. I know in the end if I was to quit now it would send me spiraling into a state of regret depression.

I share this now because I want to be completely frank about the ups and downs I experience. So many moments have been amazing and things do seem like they are falling into place but after spending two days driving without really meeting anyone I've become a bit tired and lonely. I decided to check into a motel, get beer and watch tv. I haven't zoned out in front of the tube in a month and it seems like a luxury now. The motel is gross but it was cheap and the woman at the desk was nice. I tried to barter with a few other old motels but there was no takers. I asked to pay a fraction of the cost of a room to just park in the motels lot for the night but was turned down. So many of these old motels have lost their luster and have become seedy places for people to live. I slept poorly thinking about my van and all of its contents. The one saving grace for this stop over, well maybe two, is the mind-numbing television and the guy I met at the car dealership next door. We only spoke for a moment when I went out to get beer and he immediately offered his help with anything I need. I invited him over for a drink but he worked late and had to decline. In the morning he showed up at my door with coffee before he had to return to work. And the kindness of strangers continues.

There are still many things that make me happy. Simple things like having just enough butane left to make coffee or seeing my first stick bug or armadillo. I don't want to leave this post on a bad note but thought it was important to tell the WHOLE story and not just the wonderful parts. Now, as I sit in McDonald's parking lot I am torn between moving on or staying to hang with my new acquaintance. It's always the decision to keep moving or to take an extra day. I am in the town of Will Rogers birthplace and maybe I should take time to visit the museum etc. I guess my next post will tell what I've decided.

Lastly, I want to thank people for taking this journey with me. I know even at the down times I'm not alone. I appreciate the encouragement more than you know and will adjust my attitude back to the free spirited, fun-loving, adventurous person I know I am.

Letting go of convenience

As the time to leave gets closer and closer the reality of my decision is setting in. From the moment I hit the road in my van I am surrendering the comforts and convenience of the life I have now. I live a pretty modest life but even in that I know I'm privileged. Clean clothes, a hot shower, and even electricity are all luxuries I take for granted. Not to mention the fact that I can just push a button and my personal waste just 'goes away'. Now I will have to deal with my Campa Potti and all of the joys THAT holds.

Simple things like doing laundry will become more of an event and I will have to think creatively. I know I can go to a laundry mat but I'm looking to save every penny. Thanks to the Internet I can just Google my quandary.  I found this video on how to wash your clothes while driving. Seems like a good idea.

Cooking will be different too. Especially since I can't stand up in my van! I do have a small propane stove with one burner and will probably buy a little BBQ. Alternatively, I could try to cook my food on the van's engine like in this instructional video. Sounds ridiculous but it looks like it works pretty well.

Hot showers? I was told once that many gyms give out free trials. So I could have a shower AND a  workout! There's also truck stops, beach showers, lakes, state parks or campgrounds and birdbaths in public washrooms.  I invested a couple of bucks in a solar shower which is basically a black bladder with a hose coming out of it. You fill it with water and leave it in the sun for a couple of hours. We'll see how that goes....

The biggest question of all for me is where am I going to park night after night? I have lived in my tiny apartment for the last 2 years and oddly enough it's always been in the same place. I just go home to it and it's there! When I'm traveling my van will be my home and will be located wherever I take it. I've done a fair amount of research on this topic too. (I don't make many life-changing decisions in my older age without researching it to death). I found websites like freecampsites.net which lists free places to camp in the United States and Canada. I like this website because you can browse campsites by state and even add a site.

Although I'm hoping to stay away from towns when I sleep, there's also Walmart parking lots, church parking lots, and even the residential streets of the suburbs if I have to find a place in a pinch. My hope is to always sleep under the stars, quietly tucked away form the lights of civilization.